Living in Uncertainty

Hello, my few, but growing blog readers. I created this blog because I enjoy the idea of exploring and sharing the concept of aesthetics in different areas of life. Essentially, I enjoy talking about things that I think are pretty or make me happy. However, I enjoy them so immensely because I am not always able to see beauty or be happy…

I have not posted on this blog in a week because I haven’t felt up to it. I did not plan to share this on my blog, but if I am sharing other things that are important in my life… why should I not share this either? I suffer through some anxiety and depression. This last year has been more rough on me like it has been for so many. I was working on so many projects while suffering with those issues. Yet, now I have finished those projects, and I was hoping for some relief this summer. However, I opened myself up to uncertainty with this new found free time.

I have lived quite a structured life between school, dance, work, and rehearsals. I also have been dying to try new things and go on adventures which is what I planned whenever I would get done with school and dance and rehearsals. Well, I finished school and dance and rehearsals. I can go start a new chapter of life. Right? I wanted a new chapter of life. How do you pick a new chapter of life? What if you know the genre you want this new chapter to be, but you cannot get it? What if you have people putting obstacles in front of you creating this new chapter in life? What if you get so immensely frustrated you get writer’s block and cannot write this new chapter of life?

I sympathize with not only all the other 20 year olds out there going through this, but anyone who is trying to find a new job, a place to live, or just next adventure in life after the world has gone through a pandemic. It’s rough out here folks. I have so many job applications out, and I have web searched so many rentals. I have done literally all I can, and I absolutely sick of staring at my computer screen from doing it. Yet, I still have time to sit outside and enjoy the sun or binge watch some Netflix. Which is absolutely totally fine!!! However, does my body agree with that? No… No it does not.

I mean if I have time to sit in the sun; shouldn’t I really be working and being a productive member of society? You cannot be a productive member of society though when you have literally no idea where your life is going. Why do you not know where your life is going yet? You should have planned better. No one can plan their whole life. People are definitely ashamed of me. Who cares what people think. I want to make my loved ones proud though. I do not want to be lazy. You need self care. You need money. It would be silly to lease a house for a year when you do not know where you will hopefully eventually get a job. You can not live with your parents again you are too old. You are getting old, when will you find a man? You need friends. You need a boyfriend. You can be a single independent woman. You shouldn’t be alone with your thoughts…

Do you see how you can spiral?

Oh Uncertainty…

It is actually a concept we should all dive into. I mean when do you really know how your life is going turn up? Anything can happen! Did you all think we were going to be in a world pandemic two years ago? I am trying to work on the concept of mindfulness to get me through this uncertainty. Mindfulness is the idea of being present in the moment. So, many of us are thinking about what happened, or what we need to do so something can happen in the future. How many times have you said can’t wait for the weekend, or I can’t wait for the summer, or if I could only get through this month. We need to start living for what we are doing NOW. I am not saying you cannot remember the past or never think of the future completely, but we have got to stop living there.

I am proud to say that I have decided if this blog is going to share my thoughts on aesthetics then I am going to share all my thoughts on aesthetics. So, living a life where you can live in a moment is the kind of beautiful life I want to share. Which means that I am diving into mindfulness, meditation, self care, emotions, and definitely living life in uncertainty because we are all there. We are all getting through the day the best we know how when we do not know what is coming. I hope you enjoy the new category of SOUL on The Eclectic.

Thank you for learning about a new fraction of myself. I hope you find comfort that I am right there with you if you are struggling at this moment. I hope whatever future blog posts come from this area of myself help you in some way too. And if you just think I am ranting for my benefit and want to skip by these posts… I get that too.

Happy Sunday my dear friends. I hope you can live well in whatever comes your way this week.

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